HOW CAN A PARENT KILL THEIR CHILD?

As a retired police officer one of the worst, most atrocious calls you can receive is to the murder of a child. What’s even worse, if there could ever be such a thing is where the child is or is believed to be murdered by a parent.

The tragedy of maternal filicide, or child murder has occurred throughout history and throughout the world. When a young child is murdered, the most frequent perpetrator is a victim's parent or stepparent.

It’s unimaginable that anyone could consider killing a child. Children are the salt of the earth, they are loving, caring and most importantly trusting and reliant on a parent to help survive, shape, advise and shepherd them through the trials and tribulations of life.

A parent killing a child happens more than we think though. Research shows that a child is killed on average at least one child in Australia is killed by a parent each fortnight: that’s roughly 25 per year. Children aged less than one year are at greatest risk. The killings, almost always high-profile, never cease to shock, leaving families and communities at a loss for understanding.

Recently in Australia, Charlise Mutten, Vanessa Sharma and Elizabeth Rose Struhs have been killed by a parent/stepparent. Charlise’s body was found stuffed in a barrel in the Colo River area of the Blue Mountains (NSW), five days after she disappeared. Her stepfather has been charged with her murder. Vanessa was stabbed to death at her home in Mill Park in Victoria on January 13. Vanessa’s mum Poonam was also killed. Vanessa’s dad is the main suspect. Elizabeth was killed in Toowoomba, Qld, on January 7. Her mother and father are charged with her murder and her torture.

WHAT’S FILICIDE

These crimes are classified as Filicide (the murder of one’s children). Filicide is a general term referring to the killing of a child by a parent or parent equivalent — which in Australia includes the custodial parent, non-custodial parents, and stepparents.

Parents frequently do not plan on killing the child, and there is a sense of intense passion during the act. Children were more likely to be drowned, shaken, beaten, poisoned, stabbed, or suffocated than shot. Women usually kill children in a method that involves close and active physical contact with the child, such as shaking, manual battering, suffocation or drowning. They may use more indirect methods such as poisoning or drowning while the children are asleep or sedated. Whereas fathers are more likely to strike, squeeze or stab the child. They are also more likely than women to use weapons. Suffocation, strangulation, and drowning are the most common methods used to kill neonates.

TRIGGERS FOR FILICIDE

Prediction of a filicide is extremely difficult, but warning signs do exist.

Research undertaken using data from the National Coronial Information System reveals although mental illness was common among all perpetrators, female perpetrators were most likely to have a diagnosed mental illness. Male perpetrators were more likely to have had prior contact with the criminal justice system.

Separated fathers were more likely to have had custodial issues at the time of the fatal incident. Homicides committed by this group were more likely to involve multiple children and/or other adult victims and suicide.

Where there were multiple child victims, they were more likely to have been administered sedatives before death.

Prior to the filicide incident, separated fathers were often described as loving, whereas coupled fathers were more likely to have had a history of intimate partner violence.

In contrast, de facto fathers were more likely to have abused the child in the events leading up to the fatal incident. However, they were least likely to commit suicide at the time of the incident.

In terms of the cause of death, violent deaths (resulting in head/spinal injuries or multiple abdominal injuries) were more common for victims of male perpetrators. This was particularly the case with de facto males. Female perpetrators most commonly killed by asphyxiation.

MOTIVES BEHIND FILICIDE

Furthermore, five theories for the motives behind filicide have been identified:

1. Altruistic filicide is the murder of a child committed out of love. It is seen as a rational act by the parent, primarily the mother. Altruistic mothers are invested in being good mothers but because of a delusional perception may believe that by killing their children they’re saving them from some awful fate or suffering. These mothers are frequently suicidal and are afraid of what will happen to the child or children after their intended suicide. Sometimes the parent kills to relieve the perceived suffering of the child; or the child has a disability, either real or imagined, that the parent finds intolerable. The fact that they kill out of love is the most important feature that distinguishes this type of filicide from all other homicides. This is a likely motive in the Kisha Holmes case.

2. Acute psychotic filicide: 21% of all filicides are committed by parents during a period of severe mental illness or during a psychotic episode. Postpartum psychosis usually follows postpartum depression.

3. Accidental filicide: The parent unintentionally kills the child as a result of abuse. Battering is the leading cause of paternal filicide (fatal child abuse). Fathers generally kill older children. They frequently have a history of drug and/or alcohol abuse, previous criminal records, and very high levels of environmental stress, and the murdered children often have had previous injuries. Paternal batterers tend to have a very low frustration tolerance (such as a baby crying) and may view the baby or child as a threat or as being wilfully malevolent. Battering is the second leading cause of maternal filicide. These deaths are almost always accidental; and happen in the context of increased psychosocial stress (marital problems, housing/financial problems) combined with limited support. The mother had no clear impulse to kill but acted impulsively and aggressively with the unintentional death of the child. This category includes the rarely occurring Munchausen syndrome by proxy IE: shaking an infant daughter to death.

4. Unwanted child filicide: The parent kills the child, who is regarded as a hindrance. This usually happens immediately after birth. Crimes of neonaticide (homicide within the first 24 hours of life), are almost always committed by younger, unmarried, mothers who are poorly educated. They usually have no history of criminal behaviour, and they don’t attempt suicide after the murders. These women generally don’t seek out abortions. They frequently conceal or don’t acknowledge their pregnancies. These women are motivated prominently by a feeling of horror over the shame and guilt that frequently accompanies pregnancy and child rearing out of marriage.

5. Spousal revenge filicide: the parent kills the child as a means of exacting revenge upon the spouse, perhaps secondary to infidelity, abandonment, or other perceived failing. Custody disputes sometimes trigger killings. Men who kill their children feel they have lost control of their finances, families, and relationships. They often kill in retaliation for something their wives or lovers have done or are about to do. This is most probably the motive for the recent killings by Officer Glen Hochman.

HOW TO ENGAGE WITH A CHILD IN THIS INSTANCE

The sudden violent death of a family member or schoolmate can be very difficult for children to cope with or comprehend. Children perceive death differently at different stages of their development. The following information may be helpful to parents and caregivers in providing support to a child who has lost someone they care about in a violent manner.

1. TALK OPENLY

AND HONESTLY WITH YOUR CHILD As soon as possible after the death, set aside time to talk with the child. Give the child the facts as simply as possible. Do not go into too much detail; the child will ask more questions if they come to mind. If you cannot answer the child's questions, it is okay to say, "I don't know how to answer that, but perhaps we can find someone to help us". Use the correct language, i.e., "dead", "murdered", etc. Do not use such phrases as "S/He is sleeping", "God took him/her to heaven", "S/He went away", etc. Ask questions. "What are you feeling?", "What have you heard from your friends?", "What do you think happened?", etc. Discuss your feelings with the child, especially if you are crying. This gives the child permission to cry too. Adults are children's role models, and it is good for children to see our sadness and to share mutual feelings of sadness. Use the deceased's name. Talk about a variety of feelings, e.g., sadness, anger, fear, depression, wishing to die, feeling responsible, etc. Talk about the wake/funeral, explain what happens, and ask the child if s/he wants to go. Include him/her, if possible. If your family has spiritual beliefs, talk to the child about them, including what happens to people after they die. Talk about memories of the deceased, both good and bad.

2. WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD COPE WITH THE LOSS - Read to the child about death. There are many good children's books available. Read a book about children's grief so you have a better understanding what your child is experiencing. Help the child write a letter to the deceased. Help the child keep a diary of his/her feelings. Invite your child and his/her friends, family members, etc. to plan a memorial for the deceased. Discuss rumours, media reports, etc., with the child so that s/he can clarify information regularly.

3. OBSERVE THEIR REACTIONS- Be alert for reports or observations of "bad dreams". Talk about them with the child. Dreams are sometimes a way to discharge stress. Be alert for behavioural changes in your child. If they concern you, seek professional help.

4. UNDERSTAND HOW THEY FEEL -Understand your child's level of comprehension and speak at that level. It may take some time for your child to understand the concept, "gone forever", especially if s/he is very young. Your child may think that s/he caused the death because s/he had been thinking bad thoughts or had been angry with the deceased just before the death. The sudden and unexpected death of a peer is especially difficult for a child to comprehend; children tend to feel invulnerable.

It's a myth that children bounce back from tragedies. Their grief is cyclical, coming and going amid intervals of play. Children whose parents have been murdered exhibit a wide range of behavioural and developmental problems. They may suffer from psychosomatic ailments, such as headaches, stomach aches, dizziness and uncontrollable trembling. They may be teased or avoided at school. Their self-esteem may plummet and also their trust in authority. There is also evidence to suggest that children who are directly exposed to violence are much more likely to commit violent acts as adults. Children who are dealing with loss, especially the death of a family member, are likely lacking the emotional maturity and coping capabilities to work through the grief. The death of a family member is a confusing and frightening experience for anyone, particularly for young children. Children may respond differently to death depending upon the developmental stage they are in. It is important for adults to be honest, to listen, to be supportive and to be there for children during this difficult time. This will help to facilitate a healthy process of grieving.

School Age Children: Six to Nine Years of Age - Children in this age group have a clearer understanding of death although they may still believe that it will not happen to them. Children at this age may be interested in the physical and biological aspects of death. Dealing with grief is difficult as school age children alternately confront and deny their grief. They may also be unprepared for the length of the grieving process. It is common for children in this age group to experience; Denial Difficulty, expressing their strong feelings of loss, Difficulty eating and sleeping, Physical ailments such as stomach aches and headaches, Fearfulness, decrease in school performance, Inability to concentrate Anger directed towards teachers or classmates Inappropriate classroom behaviour.

Pre-adolescent and Adolescent: 10 to 18 Years of Age - Children in this age category have a more mature understanding of death and mortality. They understand that it is irreversible. They also understand personal death, although they may view themselves as immortal. These children may experience guilt, confusion, depression, shock, crying, stomach aches, headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, dramatic reactions such as not sleeping or eating, decrease in school performance, change in peer group, possible drug use and/or sexual promiscuity. Puberty further complicates reactions to loss and the grieving process. Children in this age category tend to be egocentric and will thus concentrate on how the death has affected them - forgetting that others are also affected by the death.

Rest in peace little angels, I sincerely hope justice is swift.