PULLING FOR A GUINNESS WORLD RECORD

On June 27, I am attempting a Guinness Book of World Records for pulling a fire truck 100 metres. Why you ask? Good question. This date is international PTSD awareness day, a day we talk about PTSD, a complex disorder caused by experiencing or witnessing trauma. The trauma necessary to cause PTSD can originate from many events — potentially an accident, a natural disaster, an assault, war, and military experiences, sexual or physical assault, sudden death or serious injury of a close person, car crashes or other serious accidents, disasters, like fire, hurricane, flood or earthquake or terrorist attacks to name a few.

Often after an event like this, people will have painful memories, feel nervous, have trouble sleeping, or experience other disruptive feelings. Eventually, many people start to feel better and can begin returning to their normal lives. However, this may not always be the case, and sometimes people continue to struggle for months or even years. This is a sign that the person may be suffering from PTSD. People realize the limited scope of their safety, power, and control in the world, and life can never be the same. The traumatic experience becomes part of a person’s life. Sorting out exactly what happened and sharing one’s reactions with others can make a great deal of difference a person’s recovery. Putting the reactions and thoughts related to the trauma into words is essential in the resolution of post-traumatic reactions. This should, however, be done with a professional specializing in PTSD due to the wide range of reactions people have when they start confronting and integrating the memories of the trauma.

Both adults and children with such hyperarousal will experience sleep problems, because they are unable to settle down enough to go to sleep, and because they are afraid of having nightmares. Many traumatized people report dream-interruption insomnia: they wake themselves up as soon as they start having a dream, for fear that this dream will turn into a trauma-related nightmare. Chronic anxiety and emotional numbing also get in the way of learning to identify and discuss internal states and wishes. Many traumatized people report a high frequency of headaches, back and neck aches, gastrointestinal problems, etc.

It’s unknown why some people suffer from PTSD and others don’t. Symptoms vary between people and can develop over different timelines. Sometimes, PTSD symptoms won’t appear for months or years after the event, or the symptoms may come and go. PTSD is a mental illness and not a sign of weakness. Suffering from PTSD is not a reflection of the person, yet the stigma remains real.

The concept of mental illness isn’t new, it has been around for centuries. Ancient theories about mental illness were often the result of beliefs that supernatural causes, such as demonic possession, curses, sorcery, or a vengeful god, were behind the strange symptoms. The history of mental illness goes back as far as written records and perhaps took its first major leap forward in 400 B.C. when Greek physician, Hippocrates, began to treat mental illness as physiological diseases rather than evidence of demonic possession or displeasure from the gods as they had previously been believed to be. Asylums for the mentally ill were established as early as the 8th century by Muslim Arabs. Mental illness was a burden for both sides: both the affected person and the family. Mentally affected ones were mostly seen as a shame and were abused at home. Family members tried to isolate them, locking them in one room to prevent that person from being exposed to society. Apart from this, some people were put in normal hospitals where they were left without proper attention and treatments. However, others had harsher fates, as those with no family, or families that no longer wanted them, were left to die in the street.

These attitudes formed the initial negativity and societal dislocation of people suffering from a mental health ailment and formed the tenant for the rise of stigma, embarrassment and discrimination that has since followed through to today.

Move to the 21st century, and according to the World Health Organisation (WHO), by 2030 the greatest health threat to developed and developing nations will be mental health. The numbers are staggering. Nearly 1 billion people live with a mental disorder and in low-income countries, more than 75% of people with the disorder do not receive treatment. Every year, close to 3 million people die due to substance abuse. Every 40 seconds, a person dies by suicide. About 50% of mental health disorders start by the age of 14.

Throughout my 34 years of law enforcement, I’ve personally experienced the impacts the job has had on me and many others. Law Enforcement isn’t a career for everyone. It takes a particular kind of person to be exposed day in, day out to the continual and cumulative stresses of the job that impact not only the officer, but family, loved ones and work colleagues.

I would go on possess a lived experienced with a mental health injury and ridden the roller coaster journey of possessing a mental illness. In 2015 I was diagnosed with a Post-Traumatic Stress Injury (PTSI/D).

For me, I’ll never forget “the day”, that’s what I refer to it as – the day my life stood still. I was driving to work in the early morning winter dimness just before dawn on my way for another day of meetings regarding security for the 2014 G20 Sumit in Brisbane. I had spent the previous night binge drinking on Bourbon, mixing it with over-the-counter prescription drugs in a vain effort to fall asleep, rather than spending another sleepless night facing the horrors from 34 years in the Australian Federal Police that was on a never-ending repeat cycle. My mind was turning to a mush of confusing thoughts, surrounded by a thick cushioning fog that blanketed my ability to think. I had become a hermit in my own home, preferring my own company, not that of anyone else, including my family. Suicidal ideations were increasing by the day; the fatigue I felt was all encompassing, weighing on me so much I felt id become a failure, worthless, alone, unable to trust in anyone what I was going through, and my hypervigilance was so out of control I would jump out of my skin at the tinniest noise. My Family Doctor had mentioned to me he thought I was suffering from a Post-Traumatic Stress injury, but I refused to accept it because of the stigma, the shame, the belief that such a diagnosis would be career ending and the embarrassment was just too much. I was a cop, someone who was tough, strong, goes where other wont, sees what others wouldn’t, I was totally lost.

The physical and psychological pain was so much that this morning the only option left for me was to remove my pain and leave this earth.

On that dark, dreary early morning I attempted to take my own life!

I became a statistic – like many before and after me who have or are suffering from a psychological injury because I chose to honour an oath, I took in 1985 protect my community and country. Yet, I like many chose to suffer alone, in silence and cope as best I could so as not to have anyone know I was hurting. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my wife I was hurting and had attempted to take my own life.

Now I’m hoping to normalise PTSD through awareness and raise funds for Fearless (https://fearless.org.au/), a charity that works with people living with the consequences of post-traumatic stress (often referred to as PTSD). They also help family members in any way affected by it. Fearless members come from all walks of life including those living with PTSD and their families or people who want to do their bit to make the lives of people living with post-traumatic stress more enjoyable and fulfilling. Our work complements the activities of other community-based organisations and government agencies that provide services to people with post-traumatic stress.